A definition of love

It seems to me that the conventional view of love is pretty fouled up. We (as a society) tend to get love confused with other things.

We get love confused with infatuation, for example. Infatuation is an intense, reactive sort of emotion. Love is an intentional commitment meant for the long-haul.

We get love confused with rewards, as in I'll love you if you . . . fill in the blank. Love isn't a variable in equation; it's supposed to be a constant. I'll love you no matter what.

We think love is a heart thing (something that just happens, outside my control) when real love is a heart-mind-hands and feet thing (something I decide that I will do, an endless series of actions I take).

I learned something else about love from my daughter. A while ago she took a summertime job in another state working with a small group of teenagers with all sorts of backgrounds. Before she moved there, before she ever saw any of them, she committed herself to loving them. She decided that she would love them -- regardless of what she found out about them, regardless of how they might behave, regardless of whether they accepted her or not.

I think this is an excellent model of Biblical love. After all, that's what our Lord did; he loved us before we decided to accept or reject his gift of sacrifice: "While we were yet sinners..."

I've been experimenting with deciding in advance to love people -- before I see what they are like or how they act. I decide to love the people on the drive to work, in the store, at the office -- before I ever encounter them.

Somehow, thinking about love this way opens up a new understanding for me.